A few years ago I decided to try an experiment with some of my relationships with other men. What would happen if instead of relating with the same locker-room banter of jokingly cutting each other down and teasing, I instead interacted primarily on the basis of compliments?

I coined the term manplimenting to describe the rare beast of the genuine, totally Platonic compliment from one man to another.

They look like this, in case you’ve never witnessed a manpliment:

“The cut of that shirt is exceptional for you, is that tailored?”

“Great shoes man.”

“You’re looking big. Have you been putting on size?”

@ddn Why thank you! Your deadlifting videos have been super helpful. Your form is impeccable. #manpliment

— Bryan Krahn (@BryanKrahn) January 13, 2015

If you can’t imagine yourself saying these things as a straight man you need to calm down and realize that a genuine compliment doesn’t make you gay, your sexuality does. Got that?

Men learn early on that teasing can be a way to create camaraderie, bond, and solidify friendships as well as something that can be used to create intense pain when used maliciously. But sociologists who’ve studied the use of language in relationships have noted that there is a complex calculus going on as to whether or not a tease or a joke will solidify a bond or be interpreted as an insult.

“Even when the tease was not intended to be hurtful, it still has the potential to be face threatening, since the tease may call attention to some feature of the target, e.g., appearance or behavior that is embarrassing.” (S. Beck et. al)

More importantly, I’d argue that regardless of the outcome, objectively no one feels as good from a tease as they do from hearing a genuine compliment.

Knowing that you’re part of a group or that you’re liked by someone enough to be teased is satisfying, but getting a meaningful compliment always feels better.

So a few years ago I started this experiment in which I tried to fundamentally base some of my new friendships with other men on manpliments.

And the difference is remarkable.

These friendships are more enjoyable, more productive, and more satisfying than other relationships that are based more on the traditional type of male interaction with teasing.

Interestingly, some studies have shown than European men tend to interact more like American women in the sense that there is more complimenting and less teasing. Do European men have richer more meaningful relationships? In my experience, yep.

Giving (and receiving) compliments regardless of gender involves paying attention, reflecting, and communicating which are all skills that can’t hurt to improve and are emotional skills that men often sorely lack.

Manplimenting is a relatively easy and powerful way to practice those skills while building better relationships. What have you got to lose?

(My good friend John Romaniello and I will be hosting an event exclusively for men in mid-September of this year called Man Camp that will explore topics such as this one in depth. If the idea of improving your life – whether it be through health, fitness, relationships, business or income, or networking – then Man Camp is something you should check out.)

Stop me if you know this story already.

You start a new program with a new coach. You’re like the best client ever you check in every day letting them know what you’re doing and how everything is going.

This lasts for a few weeks or months and then things start to get tougher because life friction gets in the way. But, you’re going to stick it out so even when things get tough you remember that you are being held accountable to someone so you keep doing the Things™ and you keep checking in although a little less frequently.

Then one day it slips – you don’t do something you’re supposed to do but you’re a good little client so you let your coach know that you didn’t do it and you feel pretty good about your honesty.

Little do you know the pin is already pressing in on the bubble.

Pretty soon you’re not only not doing what you’re supposed to be doing, but you’re avoiding check-ins and going incognito because you don’t want to admit it.

The accountability bubble has been popped and just like any bubble once it’s popped you can’t fix it. It’s gone forever. The magic has been let out of it.

What you can do instead is to form a new bubble in a different way. Start where you are. Commit to what you can. You may have to take three steps backwards. If you started on Level 1 and you were at Level 10 before you fell off you might even have to start back at Level 1 and hold yourself to whatever rigid standard was appropriate then.

But what’s neat is that you’ll be able to progress much more quickly back to Level 10 than you did before.

You’re not actually the same person you were when you started at Level 1 so it won’t take the same things to get you back to Level 10 that it did the first time.

But whatever you do don’t pop that precious new bubble. Hold that little baby bubble ever so carefully in your hand and let that accountability grow.

Because if you pop it you have to start all over again.

Next time don’t pop that bubble.